What You Want Is Not Too Much
On desire, boundaries, and the radical act of choosing yourself without apology
Part of the June series: Reclaim Yourself
We've come a long way together this month. We named the drift. We listened to the body. We looked honestly at the roles we inherited and began the slow, tender work of separating what's ours from what was handed to us. And now we arrive at the most charged moment in any reclamation journey — the moment you allow yourself to actually want something.
Not what you're supposed to want. Not what looks reasonable on paper. Not what won't inconvenience anyone or require too much of other people. What you — the real, unedited, fully human you — actually desire.
For many high-achieving women, this is the hardest part. Noticing the drift? Manageable. Examining the patterns? Uncomfortable but doable. But naming what you want and choosing it without shrinking, apologizing, or immediately calculating the cost to everyone else? That is where the real work lives.
"Wanting things doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human. The women who have been taught otherwise were simply taught by people who benefited from their smallness."
Why desire feels dangerous
The conditioning around wanting
Many of us received early, repeated messages — some explicit, most implicit — that our desires were secondary. That needing things was inconvenient. That good women, strong women, capable women, didn't ask for too much. They managed. They endured. They made it work.
These messages didn't arrive as insults. They arrived as love, as structure, as cultural expectation. But over time, they calcified into a belief that runs deep: my wants are an imposition.
So we learned to pre-emptively minimize. We qualify our requests with "I know you're busy, but..." We discount our own needs before anyone else gets the chance to. We frame our boundaries as apologies. We say "I just need a minute" when what we actually need is a month.
"A boundary is not a wall. It is a declaration of what you value — including yourself. And you are allowed to be on that list."
What reclaiming desire actually looks like
Permission is not something anyone else can give you
Here is the truth that no one tells you when you're deep in the people-pleasing pattern: you have been waiting for someone to give you permission to want what you want. To say it's okay to rest. To confirm that your standards are reasonable. To validate that your needs are legitimate.
But that permission was never theirs to give. It has always been yours. And the work of this week is simply this — practice taking it back.
Not all at once. Not in every context simultaneously. Just in one small, real, honest moment this week — let yourself want what you want without immediately explaining it, reducing it, or earning the right to have it.
Truths worth sitting with this week
Rest is not a reward you have to earn — it is a biological need you are entitled to.
Wanting more does not mean you are ungrateful for what you have.
Setting a boundary is not an act of rejection — it is an act of integrity.
Your standards are not too high — they are simply yours.
Choosing yourself is not the same as abandoning others.
Read each of those slowly. Notice which one your body resists most. That resistance is a breadcrumb — it points toward exactly where your reclamation work is needed most right now.
A gentle practice
The unedited want list
This week, find ten quiet minutes and write down everything you want. Not what you plan to do about it. Not what's realistic. Not what you've already decided you can't have. Just — what do you want?
Write without filtering. Write the small things and the enormous ones. Write what feels embarrassing next to what feels simple. The point is not the list itself — it is the practice of letting yourself articulate desire without immediately policing it. That muscle has likely atrophied. This week, you're strengthening it.
This week's reflection prompts
Where in my life am I still waiting for someone else's permission to move forward?
What have I been telling myself I want "someday" that I actually want now?
What would I ask for — in my relationships, my work, my body — if I knew the answer would be yes?
What is one want I've been minimizing that deserves to be taken seriously?
You have done something significant this month. You have noticed, felt, questioned, and now — you are choosing. That is not selfishness. That is the beginning of the woman you've been reclaiming all along.
Dr. La'Toya Nicole Edwards, LCSW, BCD
Founder & Clinical Director
Emotional Strategist · Trauma Recovery Expert · Holistic Healer
